Until now, I’ve ignored the surreal spectacle of rival presidential campaigns trying to convince voters that their guy sucks (but only in this one debate!), and concluded that the first presidential debate will likely be a tense battle to see who can most completely personify that new purple Nyquil sleep agent, ending in a draw. If Republican candidate Mitt Romney decides to deploy the zingers he has reportedly been rehearsing since August, however, his side of the debate stage will more closely resemble the Hindenburg at a 4th of July picnic.

The New York Times reports that Mitt Romney’s team has “equipped him with a series of zingers that he has memorized and has been practicing on aides since August,” and Politico‘s Roger Simon has reportedly obtained a partial list of said zingers: